We knew this day was going to happen. The radiation has started to cause some side affects. Mom is having trouble swallowing and constantly feels as if her stomach is on fire. I can't even begin to imagine what any of these feels like but I can see how tired she in her eyes. I try to do what I can but really, there's not much I can do but give her lots of hugs and love.
Her best day turned out to be my birthday. The pattern has been she gets sick two days after her chemo, but this week she was like a whole new person. She felt great and had no nausea. Even though I assumed I was going to have the worst birthday ever, it turned out to be the best. Seeing my mom up and around, full of live, energy and a strong will to fight this disease was perhaps the best gift I could have had.
It wasn't until last night where she began to feel sick, achy, and tired. I watched my mom take care of my grandparents for years and I don't know how she did it. It's so emotionally draining to watch this and I can understand why mom was so tired. Obviously my grandparents were much more ill than she is but it's still worrisome. Honestly, it's not that taking care of her is alot of work.... It's the stress from worrying that makes you tired.
Today I gave her a card--- it was a superhero "Cancer Vixen." She said she will look at it to remind herself to keep fighting. So far there has not been any talk of her skipping out on chemo Monday which is a 180 from where we were a week ago. She is half way home. I know we are just beginning to climb the mountain. Surgery is going to be brutal but I'm positive she's going to be great (I figure if I say it enough, I'll start to actually believe it).
I'm 35 years old but I still feel like I am her 5 year old little girl. I hug her every chance I get and tell her I love her a thousand times a day. I never get tired of saying it and what mom would get tired of hearing it??? Knowing my dad was terminal, gave me the chance to say everything I wanted to say to him. We knew he had 3 months to live and embraced every second of it. I remember coming home for the weekends to visit, and sitting there holding his hand while we watched TV. I was grateful to have that time with him.
Life can all change in a second and even though I know my mom will be around forever (see, I said it again), I still want her to know how much I love her. ...but someday, when she's recovered and I decide to tell her about this blog, she is going to KICK MY ASS. No joke.
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