Things in my life I shouldn't have to explain: my obsession with Louboutins, my fascination with Donnie Wahlberg and why I only want ONE child. Normally, I would tell people to go fuck themselves (on the inside) when I get that "look" from someone who hears that my husband and I have one and we're done. People tend to you look at you in one of two ways.
First, you get that look of, "wow-- that's selfish of you." Or, my favorite, that look of, "awwww...." like they've just been told I have a terminal disease. In both instances, I have the go fuck yourself response building on the inside. It usually takes every strength I have to control my tongue muscles from saying it. When it really bad, and we're in mixed company, my husband says our secret word (muskrat) and I know to keep my mouth shut.
I recently was faced again with this topic of absolutely no one's business. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind answering the legitimate question, "do you two plan on having any more kids?" It's the spew of diarrhea that comes out of people's mouths after I say no that pisses me off. There are many things that are personal decisions- like religion or politics. Why is this any different? I can't tell you how irritating it is to hear the following sentence: "I know that you only have one but let me tell why I think you should have more...." Go fuck yourself.
Against my better judgment, I've decided to explain, once and for all why only one. I think the best way to do it is in the form of a David Letterman Top Ten List. So, without further ado....
THE TOP TEN REASONS WHY WE ARE ONLY HAVING ONE CHILD
10. Fertility treatments suck and they're painful
9. Kids are really, really expensive
8. We have a healthy baby, why test fate?
7. I got a girl first time out
6. Only children are proven to be smarter (a prominent Texas psychologist did a study and found the following: "(Onlies) tend to score slightly higher in verbal ability, go farther in school and have a little bit higher self-esteem, and a lot of this just has to do with more parent involvement and uninterrupted time with adults.”)
5. I was an only child, and loved it. Husband had siblings and hated it.
4. We are able to give her 100% of our focus and attention
3. I'm not emotionally stable enough to handle the anxiety of two children (my account is red flagged at CVS pharmacy I'm sure).
2. Being a mom, I have already given up a great deal of my life (which I was happy to do)
.....and the number one reason why we are having only one child
THAT'S WHAT WE WANT
It frustrating to say the least. I still tend to live my life as though I am 25. My husband and I go out every Saturday night to dinner whether with friends or alone. Other moms judge that and think it's selfish, well, I think they're ignorant. My husband and I need time together. Everyone said our lives would change when we got married--- but that wasn't a true statement. Our lives changed when our daughter was born. We realized it was important to spend a night out together. Yeah, it's only dinner and I'm still in bed by 11 but I was able to have time alone. I truly believe having another child would impede on this... as a matter of fact, I know it would. It's harder to find a sitter for multiple kids than one.
I've struggled with this myself before. I was open to having a second child.... but my husband wasn't. When I said that to someone recently, they said to stop taking the Pill and not tell. Hmmmm... that's not really the key to a successful marriage but OK, thanks for that. I have a lot of love to give but my heart explodes for this little girl. I don't know how I could love another this much -- although I know parents do.
Instead of people questioning our position on having another child.... I wish they could sit back and see a truly happy family filled with a great deal of love.
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