Everyone has that one person in their family known as "the shit stirrer." These delightful family members are the ones who love to spread gossip, maliciously whether true or not. Most of the time it is exaggerated in order to drum up unnecessary drama and conflict. I used to have a similar family member which we all tolerated. Unfortunately, they are also a source of useful information. Although they may slightly embellish the story to give it more oomph, they have the basic facts and surrounding circumstances pretty accurate.
Being Italian, there are two things I look for in friends (as well as when I was looking to meet the right guy): loyalty and respect. Sadly, as important as these attributes may be to me, it is not always a guarantee that you are going to gain in laws with such admirable traits. Obviously, if I am writing about it- I ended up with some shitty fucking in laws.
My husband comes from a very large and interestingly diverse family. For the most part, I adore his parents and even the majority of his siblings but there always ends up being one rotten apple in the bunch. It was very recently brought to my attention that one of his siblings called me a cunt. (This was said to the shit stirrer and has circulated through a semi gossip mill.) Yup, you heard me right. A cunt. Its not a pretty word to type or even a pretty word to read. Now, I freely admit there is no love there..... This family member, their spouse and I have never seen eye to eye on many things: morals, responsibility or even the qualities of a good human being. Essentially, they go against any and all semblance of what a basically good person is. Over the years, in addition to this colorful description, I have been accused of breaking down the relationship my husband has with them. Um, ok.... it has nothing to do with the fact that you are a complete douchebag but everything to do with the plotting and scheming i stay up into the wee hours planning to tear these two apart. Give me a fucking break.
Now, I have this information but have given my word to not confront the sibling at hand. Yet, what do I do with this information? ....nothing. I wait until the perfect moment. Everything comes full circle in life and like Oprah, I don't believe in coincidences. I believe there is a divine "intervention." I hate to use that term in quotes because I'm not especially religious. This will come back, and smack them in the face like a brick. It may not be what they said, it may just be karma, but I know they'll get theirs. I know the underlying element is their insane jealousy for what seems to be the perfect life that my husband and I live. I've said this before, the walls on the inside have been cracking--- we just have chose to keep it private (aside from the public blog that is). Not that they would give a shit- believe me. They are the type to revel in our misery.... and would enjoy the suffering of my restrictive eating.... because again, they are not good human beings. Let's say the concept of paying it forward isn't their mantra. Theirs is more--- how much can I sponge off of this person emotionally and financially.
An event is rapidly approaching where most of the siblings will be together--- at my house. This summer BBQ is causing anxiety for several reasons: an abundance of food, seeing family that I haven't seen anywhere from 6-9 months who will notice I am 25 lbs lighter than the last time they saw me and now, in addition to that, I am welcoming people into my home who believe I am a CUNT. This is being downplayed by my husband, and others, as it's all hearsay. I don't give a fuck what it is--- all I can be sure of is this is a possibility which is enough to cause anxiety levels to rise to the point of restricting food (I am still a work in progress).
I refuse to be uncomfortable in my own home and have decided, in the most Italian way possible, these people are dead to me. I refuse to lose another moment's happiness over them. It's been a long 7 years of me taking the high road for the sake of the rest of my in laws. I will not and should not do it anymore. I am in control of me. I have the power. No one can fight my battles for me and I need to face this head on... I am in a new place in my life and there is no room for them (literally and figuratively). They are not a good influence on my child, nor do they emanate positive energy to be around. My husband, as much as he loves to hear about the drama, refuses to take part in it so I am on my own in the way of defending myself. Again, the power lies within me to take control of how I want this to go. The concept of respect and loyalty is downplayed in his mind. For him, it's all about just ignoring it and letting it go. So, I will....
Essentially this means no more contact. I won't make my husband choose--- he can continue to maintain a relationship but I will not attend a birthday, a holiday or special occasion ever again. Although I rather my daughter not either, i don't feel it fair to make that decision myself. As she gets older, she will eventually see these people for who they really are and I have full confidence she won't want to be around them either.... In all honesty, my husband doesn't really want to be around them either but he does because, well, it's family...... at least I guess that's why. Nothing else makes sense to me.
It feels good to get it off my chest and until there is a reason to let these people back into my circle of trust, it feels good to let go.
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