Another blogger has inspired me to do what I swore I wouldn't do.... Write about NKOTB Cruise 2012. If the title looked intriguing enough for you to get this far, great but before you go on, let this serve as a fair warning that what you are about to read is completely about the ongoing relationship on I have with Donnie (and if you have to ask Donnie who, please stop right now) and 4 other guys.
They said it couldn't be done. They said it would never last. They said I'd get bored. Well they were wrong. It all started on a hot August day back in 2011. I formed NKOTB Cruise HQ at my house and with several computers, an iPad, a blackberry and an iPhone my fellow cruiser, Baby Spice (...I'll get into that later), and I began our journey. Getting on this boat is no joke. NO FUCKING JOKE. Being a Block Nation member (like I said, no joke), I was able to get on to buy a space for Baby Spice, Sporty Spice and myself, a whole hour earlier than the world. It was intense. I can't speak to the details because I am still putting the broken pieces of that experience together but it ended in a champagne toast. It all worked out in the end but keep in mind there was a cruiser wait list that was longer than one of my Santa Christmas lists.
Days, weeks, months passed by..... until finally June hit. Sporty and I hopped on a jet plane and set off for Miami to what has become a pre-cruise ritual. We spent an amazing day lounging by the pool in a private cabana (for free) thanks to some maneuvering by Sporty and I. How does one describe Miami heat? Well, I think Dorothy Zbornak said it best, "the heat in Miami is like August in Calcutta." Holy fuck. It was hot. I'm not going to lie-- I enjoyed swimming in the heated pool but mostly because I needed to sit on an ice cube to keep cool when I wasn't in water. Note to NKOTB: DON'T EVER CRUISE IN JUNE AGAIN. After a great evening of drinks and appetizers with local friends, I had my first New Kid sighting at the hotel. As I walked through the bar and restaurant of our hot spot, I saw Jordan. Right there. Boom! But, I kept my calm and after our earlier attempts to send one of the Jareds a drink by the pool, I was rather an annoyed BH. I moved on to our next spot... STK. Couldn't tell you much since I have no recollection of that dinner but Baby and Sporty assure me it was yummy. Yeah, well so were the hot pink Barbie cocktails we had.... or I had... or we all had... not sure. I do not recall the exact conversation we had with the cab driver on our way back to the hotel, but I do recall a great deal of laughter. Someday, I hope to piece that night together.
Once snuggled in the bed with Sporty, my teeny little head was filled with visions of New Kids dancing in togas in my head and I was preparing for the next day's adventure.
I won't bore you with the morning details but as we walked out through the hotel lobby, we saw lots of important people. Well, important people in my eyes. You could say I've honed this skill over the years but never doubt the finely tuned radar of a BH. We know a roadie, girlfriend, nanny, manager, etc when we see one. Or dog. Yeah, I swear I saw Donnie's dog in the hotel lobby. Why is this important? Because it means Donnie and I slept together--- if he and I were both sleeping in the same hotel, that's a true statement. Try to disprove that theory.
Last year I tried to jump in a van with these people but Baby and Sporty stopped me. I tried again this year too but neither girl thought it was a good idea. Or they weren't paying attention to me... I know after about 10 minutes of my nonsensical jbber-jabber, Sporty Spice tunes me out. After years of friendship, it's definitely an automatic reflex for her sanity. Excitement was building while we sat in a puddle of our sweat in the back of the cab on our way to the Port of Miami. We were ready to board the Carnival Destiny for Round 3 (...2 for Sporty). The difference this year? Well, two things. First, Sporty had an "in" and second, I had a video camera. That's right bitches, this shit was documented.... As I type, Baby Spice is fervently editing our expedition on the high seas.
We arrived on scene only to find thousands of... um.... fans. The percentage of crazy was higher this year and I attribute that to first time cruisers who lacked cruise etiquette but wow, if half of what I SAW was real, then I realistically shouldn't set foot on a boat with this guys again but I keep telling myself I was hallucinating from the heat. Thankfully, Sporty's contact got us on the boat FAST. I don't think it took 20 minutes from stepping out of the cab to stepping on the boat. It was amazing. Literally, Sporty was the FIRST cruiser on the boat. It's on video so it's true. We even missed the "I'm getting on the boat so let me take a picture with my friends in front of this cheesy backdrop" because it wasn't set up yet.
As the door opens..... the magic begins. There is only one way to describe the feeling, at least for me. When I walk on and see the signs and cardboard cut outs of the guys or hear the music playing, all I can think is, this is exactly how Charlie must have felt when Willie Wonka opened the little tiny door to enter his chocolate factory. My face had WOW all over it. And suddenly, I was 14 all over again. Just like that.
TO BE CONTINUED.........
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