I fully expected the next entry on this blog would be about nursing my mom through her first chemo treatment but, she did amazingly well. So well that she spent the day washing windows with newspaper (of course, as any Italian mom would) and making dough boys. She slept well. Feels well. Continues to be in great spirits. What more can I ask for right? Then why am I still so negative? It's tiring to be this anxious all the time.
From the time of my mom's diagnosis, I learned something very important. I truly thought I was alone, but I'm not. I'm surrounded by amazing family and friends. My main support is my husband. He's grounded, positive and a realist-- everything I'm not. His outlook on life is different, which I attribute to his service in Iraq, but I am learning to embrace his views. Most importantly, at the end of the day, getting good night squeezes and kisses from my daughter releases me. But, at a time like this, I need more.... I want more.
I always thought I would love a sibling now, but you know what? I feel like my friends and my cousins are siblings to me. A strong characteristic of only children is their loyalty and their desire for strong friendship bonds. We hold on tightly to the friendships we have because they are an extension of family. They replace the non-existence of a sibling.
In times of tragedy, you realize the real meaning of Godparents (mine are amazing, FYI) and your cousins take on the role of brother and sister. Thankfully, I have two that were beside me when my father died and continue to be while I deal with my mom's illness. They're different from me--- they don't understand me and never will, but love me to death.
My friends on the other hand, are a different story. I have very few people in my life that I consider to be best/close/dear friends--- I don't believe in having just one. Doesn't make sense because I have a lot of love and drama to share so why pin it all on one person. They can broken down into several categories:
1. "I'll Cry With You"-- These are the friends that I can call day or night. They will just sit and cry with me-- no words need to be said. Just lots of hugs and tears.
2. "Let's Go Out and Forget About It" -- These friends want to take my out, ply me with alcohol, get me on a dance floor and have me forget all my troubles. We don't talk about the Cancer or chemo or radical surgery. We live in the moment and laugh, laugh, laugh.
3. "Laughing Until You Can't Breathe"-- I have to say, these are some of my favorite friends. They are clever beyond belief and challenge my wits. Making obscure pop culture references or sending me random movie quote texts just when I need it most tends to brighten my day. They have a dry, sarcastic sense of humor and I can always count on them to make me smile.
4. "We're So Connected it's Eerie" - friends like this are considered my soul twin. I married my soul mate, so this is the next best thing. These friends can sense when I am sad and know exactly when to call, text, visit, etc. They know I need them...... they are my main artery.
Sure, there is crossover between these groups but generally these are the people right now, and they know who they are and where they fall without me naming them. I adore my friends. It's in times of extreme sadness, such as this or extreme happiness, such as planning a wedding or having a baby, that you realize who your TRUE friends are and family. I am truly blessed to have these people in my life. I look forward to their support over the upcoming weeks.
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