Apparently there are some women out there who believe that sending your child to daycare is a "last resort" for moms.... OK, I apologize in advance if I offend anyone out there but I need to address this issue.
I have been the target of pitiful looks and tongue lashings from "friends" (yeah, not in my life anymore) AND family (not mine, my husband's) for putting my child in daycare. Let me preface my arguments by saying that I have NO issue with women who choose to stay home and take care of the kids. That is probably one of the hardest things to do and unless you're a stay at home dad, men will NEVER understand how hard it is. I applaud you, really but that doesn't make you a better mother than me. In some instances that I've seen, the children are better off in the hands of strangers than their own parents. My arguments may not apply to EVERY child, but let's say 3 out of 4 for good measure...
Argument One: Socialization
My child is nearly 20 months old and WILL BE an only child. For many reasons, we decided this what was we wanted as a couple. If she was home with me all day, she wouldn't have any socialization skills. Instead, she would know all about being a Jersey Housewife, what an Intervention consists of and the lifestyle of the Kardashian sisters. I am addicted to TV and soon she would be to.... She isn't going to benefit from sitting in a house with me day in and day out while I try to find ways to amuse her. I think it's important she learns the benefits of friends and playing and all around, being a kid. I am late to have kids compared to some family and friends and have seen the downside to keeping their children home with them. My daughter started talking in sentences at an early age. I don't think it has anything to do with how smart she is but more the socialization skills she has gained from being around other kids. My daughter will never know what it's like NOT to have friends or a playmate. She won't be 4 years old and learning how to leave her mommy and make friends at the same time. I know 6 year olds that can't hack it. She is learning an important skill set that I wish I had. I know that if daycare was an option in the 70's, my mom would have sent me even if it was for one day a week. A child needs this exposure.
Argument Two: I'm Not Qualified
Sure, I am qualified to be a mom but there are people out there who went to school to receive Master's degrees in Early Elementary Education. Yeah, my JD isn't going to help me there. These women (and few men) have a ton more patience and knowledge than I will ever have. My daughter bonded to her primary infant care giver at daycare and I am forever grateful to her. I believe she was a strong influence on my daughter at the time and worked with her on achieving the milestones she needed before she turned one. My daughter's current teachers have taken extra time with her to help with her walking (she was late on this...). I'm a first time mom and I welcome most advice, but these women have been doing this for years with a ton of kids. I trust them. Her personality blossomed and she is practically running around the house (note to self, suspend gym membership due to excessive cardio every day).
Argument Three: Money
I'm not going to pretend my husband and I aren't well off, because we do pretty well. So, yes, I can afford to stay home with her. My income could be suspended for a few years until she goes to pre-school or Kindergarten. It's important to look at the bigger picture here. If I stay home, we would need to give up things which I believe are necessary. I'm not talking about Louboutins and dinners out, I'm talking about taking her to the zoo or the movies or even Disney on Ice. These are some of the best things about being a kid and I want her to have it all. I don't need her to be the best dressed kid in school, but I do need her to be happy. She has all the love in the world from us along with 4 grandparents that adore her. She is never at a loss for love or immaterial things. And from the selfish only child p.o.v. (me), there are still luxuries my husband and I don't want to give up (mani/pedis....). These things make US happy. When we're happy, she will inevitably be happy. Have you ever seen a child who comes from a home with unhappy parents? I have. It's not pretty.
Argument Four: FOR ME
I am a better mom, better wife and better person because I have not lost who I am. I need to work and have a life outside the home. The time I spend with her is precious and it is productive because I am at work and away from her all day. I was home on maternity leave for 16 weeks. I love my daughter more than the air that I breathe but I couldn't take it. You get into a routine, the days become monotonous, and you start to get depressed. Your whole life revolves around feedings, naps and dirty diapers. Yes, this is what I signed on for but it's not the ONLY thing I sign ed on for. NOTHING is better than seeing my daughter's face light up when I walk into daycare and hearing her say, "MOMMY!!!" and run up to me. NOTHING. It's brings tears to my eyes just writing this. That's what I wanted.... My husband works 12 hour days so I spend a lot of time with her on my days off. These are the moment I cherish because I'm not tired or stressed or depressed. I have waited all week for these hours with her. I look forward to the hours at night where I feed her, bathe her and read to her. It's the best part of my day.... If this was all I did, every day all day, I wouldn't appreciate it as much. I don't think anyone would.
I've had a lot of shitty things said to me and after some discussion, have learned that my friends have faced the same type of discrimination by "stay at home" moms. This was the decision my husband and I made. It wasn't easy. I didn't just drop her off on the front steps in her infant carrier... I cried for days and called the room EVERY SINGLE DAY to see how she was for a year. People tried to talk me out of it. They insisted my child would be sick ALL the time. Well, she was. She had chronic ear infections but those aren't contagious.... Aside from a few colds she was pretty healthy.
I know that some moms have family watch their kids or even may have a nanny if they can afford it. Again, I don't agree with it (see argument one) but I see their point of view. I know there are people who can't afford daycare and still work so rely on another family member or friend. Daycare is astronomical and I may have different arguments if I had more than one child or was a single mom. You don't want to work to pay for daycare. That's not conducive to a happy home either.
You don't get more points for being a stay at home mom. You don't get more points for putting your child in day care. It's important for women to realize this is a personal choice and shouldn't be criticized one way or another. Being a parent is a tough job on anyone. Sometimes you need all the help you can get. I'm confident in OUR decision to have our daughter in daycare and we're fortunate we can afford to have her there.
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