Dr. Phil always says, "Would you rather be happy or would you rather be right?" It's a pretty simple question but the answer can be so complex depending on the situation. From as far back as I can remember I wanted to be a lawyer. I was convinced this was the career for me. Luckily, I was young which kept me focused on a goal from a young age. I knew I was going to college. I knew my major. I knew I was going to law school. I knew I was going to be top prosecutor. What I didn't know was I wouldn't be able to pass the Bar Exam.
I didn't simply give up after I failed. I tried again. And at the behest of those around me, I tried again even though I didn't want to do it. Although I never passed, I stayed in the field of law and decided that if I couldn't be lawyer, I could be an excellent paralegal. Up until recently, I would say I've had a successful career. When I tell people what I do and where I work, there is always a look of "wow, how exciting" on their faces. The reality is, it's not exciting. This isn't the career for me so now, I'm going to start to work on being happy instead of being right.
Right now, my current employment pays very well and is flexible with my being a mom-- that's what keeps me there. I used to say that I'll stay here as long as they let me but after examining what could be causing some of the anxiety and misery in my life, I realized that my job was a piece of the pie. I don't HATE my job but I also don't LIKE my job. Being in the legal profession isn't where I belong at all. I've known that for some time but haven't done anything about it. Instead, I was thankful for having a well paying job in the current economy.
As a result, I think I became resentful. Especially towards my husband. He loves his job. Although I've discussed that his job is all consuming and his priorities are fucked up, he's still happy doing what he does. He has a sense of knowing the job doesn't control him, but he controls the job. Clearly, I need to work on not allowing the little things at work get to me. We all do that but I really am in the wrong career and it definitely affects my happiness. I want to be happy in all areas of my life-- and that's possible. I see that now. I control my happiness. I don't want to be right anymore, I want to be happy.
Where will this take me? I have no idea. Am I ever going to be a buyer for Bloomingdale's? No. Is that really my dream job? I don't think so. For the time being, I'll continue to work on being excellent in the position I'm at now but this isn't forever. It's just for now. There were times I loved the jobs that I had, and you could tell because I was happy. Alternatively, I've had jobs that made me want to slit my throat and it affected everyone around me. Right now I don't fall into either category. My hope is to find my niche someday soon. I'm open to the possibilities out there and if it means I have to start from the bottom again, it's ok because I would rather be happy than be right.
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